Aide exposé d'anglais

Bonsoir

Je dois faire un exposé d'anglais et mon niveau est pas top (après 3 ans de fac à rien faire pendant les cours d'anglais, AIE !). Alors si quelqu'un pouvait relire ce que j'ai fait et me dire ce qu'il faudrait corriger (et rajouter aussi, si vous voulez), ça serait bien gentil.

C'est pour un oral (j'ai pas tout rédiger) et j'essaie d'expliquer comment la musique influence l'opinion publique pendant la guerre du Vietnam.

Voila ce que j'ai fait pour le moment.

Music and public opinion.

-Events.

In 1965 (begining of the war), 70 to 80 percent of Americans were in favour of the war.

After offensive of Têt, the commander asked for more soldiers. People don't think that was a brilliant victory. It made the brutality of the war more visible toAmericans.The media tell about bombing and atrocities (even if therewas a censorship). Since 1968 (after Têt and Nixon's election), many americans wanted the end of the war.

-Effect of the music on the publicopinion.

A new musical style develops during the war and it influence the public opinion. At the begining of the war,the succes of the songs is limited. The number of pacific songs increases.There were many pacific songs in 1970 and 1971. Pacifistwere mainly young people who were listening to this songs (there wasa kind of separation between generations, young and old people did'nthad the same opinions, they did'nt listen to the same music). Theprotest movement augment along with the success of the songs. (but itexist since 1961). There were many demonstrations (of students)against war.

For exemple -in april 1965 15 000(fifteen thousand) students in Washington

-in april 1967 200 000 (two hundred thousand) in New York

-in may 1971 500 000 (five hundredt housand) in Washington. They were more and more numerous.

There were also festivals who had inthe same time a musical and a political aspect. Singers shared theirpoliticals opinions with a huge audience.

So the music contributed to diffuse the anti-war ideas.

Edit :Hé mais pourquoi ça m'enlève des espaces quand je colle mon texte ici ?

Y'a quelqu'un ?

J'aurais besoin d'une réponse assez vite.

Please emphasize on sentence connectors : words as "however, Nevertheless, Then, Consequently, ..." would be highly appreciated.

J'ai pas fait trop compliqué, je pense pas que ce soit la peine.

Sinon, y'a des fautes ou pas ?

Tu n'as pas fait "compliqué" mais il faudrait mettre des connecteurs. Tu t'imagines faire des phrases dans un rapport sans ces mots qui te permettent de faire un lien entre tes divers propos ?

Pour moi, ce texte est une énumération plate de faits et d'évènements qui se sont passés à une telle date, quand tu mets la date. Sinon niet, pas compris le déroulement de l'histoire, car l'histoire se raconte, et le principe de causalité s'applique parfaitement à la rédaction d'un exposé historique.

Donc réfléchis-y, mais après ce n'est pas mon problème. Sinon, je t'ai copié le texte en ayant effectué certaines corrections (liste qui ne risque malheureusement pas d'être exhaustive) par-ci par-là :

Music and public opinion.

-Events.

In 1965 (begining of the war), 70 to 80 percent of Americans were in favour of the (Vietnam) war.

After the offensive of Têt, the commander asked for more soldiers. People don't (urgh, that's more like didn't, but don't might be right) think that was a brilliant victory. It made the brutality of the war more visible to the American people.The media tell about bombing and atrocities (even if there was censorship). Since 1968 (after Têt and Nixon's election), many americans wanted the end of the war.

-Effectsof music on public opinion.

A new musical style develops ("developed", but whatever, "develops" is still ok if your teacher wants you to reproduce the same structure) during the war and it influences (influenced) public opinion. At the begining of the war, the success of songs is (was) limited. The number of pacific songs increases (increased).There were many pacific songs in 1970 and 1971. Pacifists were mainly young people who were listening to these songs (you repeated "songs" too many times in the last three sentences, I find it relatively unreadable) (there was a kind of separation between generations, young and old people didn't have the same opinions, they didn't listen to the same (kind of) music). The protest movement augment (barbarism, you certainly meant "increased its influence", or "became more and more powerful") along with the success of the songs. (but (well that should rather be "even if") it exists (existed) since 1961). There were many demonstrations (of students) against war.

For example (be careful, we write here in english) -in april 1965, 15 000 (fifteen thousand) students in Washington (They what ? Be clearer in your desciption : for instance, "15000 students went to Washington in april 1965 to demonstrate against...")

-in april 1967 200 000 (two hundred thousand) in New York

-in may 1971 500 000 (five hundred thousand) in Washington. They were more and more numerous.

There were also festivals who had at the same time a musical and a political aspect. Singers shared their politicals opinions (you could replace opinion by "views") with a huge audience.

Je vais essayer d'améliorer, de mettre des connecteurs.

Merci pour les corrections.

C'est mieux comme ça ?

-Events.

In 1965 (begining of the war), 70 to 80 percent of Americans were in favour of the war.

After the offensive of Têt, the commander asked for more soldiers. Then people didn't think that was a brilliant victory. It made the brutality of the war more visible to Americans.Moreover, the media tell about bombing and atrocities (evenif there was a censorship). Since 1968 (after Têt and Nixon's election), many americans wanted the end of the war.

-Effects of the music on the public opinion.

A new musical style developed during the war and it influenced the public opinion. At the begining of thewar, the success of the songs was limited. Over time, the number of pacific songs increased.There were many pacific songs in 1970 and1971.

Pacifists were mainly young people who were listening to these songs (there was a kind of separation between generations, young and old people didn't have the same opinions, they didn't listen to the same kind of music). We can see the protest movement becoming more and more powerful along with the success ofthe songs. (even if it existed since 1961). There were many demonstrations (of students) against war.

For example -in april 1965 15 000(fifteen thousand) students in Washington demonstrating against war

-in april 1967 200 000 (two hundredthousand) in New York

-in may 1971 500 000 (five hundredthousand) in Washington. They were more and more numerous.

There were also festivals who had atthe same time a musical and a political aspect. Singers shared their politicals views with a huge audience.

So the music contributed to diffuse theanti-war ideas.

Tu as remis les "the" à tort devant des noms qui sont avant tout des concepts généraux (la guerre, l'opinion publique, les chansons, etc.). Par contre, il est légitime d'utiliser "the" avant des noms d'évènements ou des objets et êtres qui ont valeur d'exclusivité, car désignant quelque chose de bien spécifique ("la guerre de 78" (Nabilla) : "the war of 1978"; "les chansons des Beatles" : "the Beatles' songs", etc.)

Tu as oubliécertains espaces, mais en tout c’est très écrit :D

Je suis anglais et j’étudie lefrancais au lycée, donc j’espère que jepuisse t’aide.

In 1965 (beginning of the war), 70 to 80 percent of Americans were in favour of the war.<br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); font-family: Tahoma, 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Verdana, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); font-family: Tahoma, 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Verdana, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">After the offensive of Têt, the commander asked for more soldiers. Then people didn't think that was a brilliant victory. It made the brutality of the war more visible to Americans.Moreover, the media tell us/talk about ('tell' on its own doesn't really make sense) about bombing and atrocities (even if there was a censorship). Since 1968 (after Têt and Nixon's election), many americans wanted the end of the war.<br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); font-family: Tahoma, 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Verdana, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); font-family: Tahoma, 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Verdana, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); font-family: Tahoma, 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Verdana, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">-Effects of the music on the public opinion.<br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); font-family: Tahoma, 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Verdana, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); font-family: Tahoma, 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Verdana, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">

For example -in april 1965 15 000(fifteen thousand) students in Washington demonstrating demonstrated against war<br style="color: rgb(28, 40, 55); font-family: Tahoma, 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Verdana, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">

Désolé pour ce désordre, je ne sais pas pouquoi il a mal tourné :3

Thanks, DomWudlz, but infortunately this topic isn't new. Maybe your help will not be taken into account by the asker... Thanks though, that was really helpful to correct my own mistakes