Corriger un texte en anglais


lamissjenifer Membre 5 messages
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Coucou tout le monde ^^

Si quelqu'un a les capacités de corriger mon texte et l'envie ça serait super simpa!! ^^

La prof nous a demandé de dire si on pense que l'élection d'Obama va changer quelque chose, d'après nous. Fallais faire 150 mots min.

Voici le texte :

According to you, will the election of Obama change anything?

According to me, I think that the election of Obama is a good thing to American, America, and all of the world. I really think that elect a black man can change the customs, the quite made ideas, the public opinion... indeed, this election can change the American society.

Like that Mc Cain said after the election of Obama, I think it's a veritable victory for black population; besides many of them went to vote, more than previous elections. I hope that Obama respect his promises : improve civil liberties and civil rights about African American, racism, society's integration.

Concerning women, I believe Obama can change women's rights to improve their situation in American society; in the future years, this could allow an equality enter men and women (for example : the salary will be the same for a woman and a man who have a same job). As Obama I support woman's right to have an abortion, because I prefer this that a children who's not accepted by his parents, and he isn't love by their. Moreover, women are capable of making this decision, with or without the father, with or without the family...

Speaking of the war in Irak, I'm totally agree with Obama to change the situation in Iraq, so stop this war, remove the American troops. If Obama stop the war, I believe his popularity coast can only be better, because the American population doesn't want this war, doesn't want it any more. To lose a son can't be easy for family, so this could only be beneficial for everybody.

About the Social Security, Obama wants more successful system and more defender; it's a good thing which permit improved the poorests' life.

To conclude, nothing is still made, however many persons count on Obama to change things in America and in the world, by hoping that he holds his promises and that he quickly acts.

Merci d'avance pour les réponses, c'est pour demain que je dois le rendre!!!

Laura

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lamissjenifer Membre 5 messages
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Vraiment personne??????

S'vous plait.....!!!

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Eowann Membre 149 messages
Forumeur inspiré‚ 28ans
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Je t'ai mis ma correction, à ne pas prendre au pied de la lettre: je ne suis pas anglophone. J'avais surligné les passages corrigés en rouge au début, mais ça n'est pas passé: tu compareras les deux versions et tu n'as qu'à te faire ta propre opinion.

Si j'ai mis un ?, c'est que je ne suis pas sûr du tout. Voilà. Bon rendu de copie alors. Ah, et oui, on m'a toujours dit qu'à l'écrit, il ne fallait pas abréger: it's --> it is, I'm --> I am ...

According to you, will the election of Obama change anything?

According to me, I think that the election of Obama is a good thing for Americans, for the USA, and for everyone in the world. I really think that electing a black man can change the customs, the quite made ideas, the public opinion... indeed, this election can change the American society.

As Mc Cain said after the election of Obama, I think it is a veritable victory for black population; besides many of them voted, more than previous elections. I hope that Obama will respect his promises : improve civil liberties and civil rights about African American (Afro-American?), reduce the racism, improve the integration in the society.

Concerning women, I believe Obama can change women's rights to improve their situation in American society; in the future, this could allow an equality between men and women (for example : the salary will be equal for a woman and a man who have a same job). Like Obama, I support women's right concerning abortion, because I prefer this than a children who is not accepted by his parents and not loved by his kinds. Moreover, women are able to make that decision, with or without the father, with or without the family...

Speaking of the war in Irak, I am totally agree with Obama to change the situation in Irak: stopping this war, removing American troops. If Obama stop the war, I believe his popularity rating can only be better, because the American population doesn't want this war, doesn't want it any more. To lose a son can't be easy for a family, so this could only be beneficial for everybody.

About the Social Security, Obama wants more successful system and more defender; it's a good thing which permit improved the poorests' life.

To conclude, nothing is made yet (?), however many persons count on Obama to change things in America and in the world, hoping that he will make his promises come true and that he will quickly act.

Euh, en +, je suis à la bibliothèque qui ferme, donc les deux derniers paragraphes ont été lus très très rapidement... corrections rapides

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lamissjenifer Membre 5 messages
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Merci beaucoup c'est vraiment super sympa!!!!!!! merki merki!!!

bisous!!!

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WatchYourSix Membre 195 messages
Forumeur inspiré‚ 53ans
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Just my own cents :

-According to me : utiliser plutôt "in my (honest) opinion

-I think it is a veritable victory : je sais pas pourquoi, je dirais "real victory"

- more than previous elections : more than in previous elections

- Afro-Americans

- I am totally agree with Obama : non, "I totally agree with"... suffira

- If Obama stopS the war

- his popularity rating can only be better : his popularity will still increase

- because the American population doesn't want this war : didn't want this war

- To lose a son can't be easy for a family : loooooooooooool :smile2: voyons, un truc du genre "loosing a son is pain for his family" ?

- Obama wants more successful system and more defender : je comprends pas la phrase, defender c'est pour l'america cup

- it's a good thing which permit improved the poorests' life : improving poorest's life

Vite fait sur le gaz, hein ?

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lamissjenifer Membre 5 messages
Baby Forumeur‚
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Merci vraiment c'est super simpa !!!!! Merci beaucoup, en plus j'ai besoin de bonnes notes parce qu'entre 6,5/ 20 et 10/20 et 10,5/20 j'ai pas la moyenne en anglais don j'espère que j'orais une bonne note merci encore ^^!!!

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Tomski Membre 79 messages
Forumeur en herbe‚ 25ans
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Bonjour!

Je suis anglais, alors j'ai anglicisé le texte. Ton anglais est très bien, bon travail :smile2:

According to you, will the election of Obama change anything?

According to me, electing Obama was a good thing for Americans, the US and the rest of the world. I really think that the election of a black man can change customs, (quite made ideas --- Je ne suis pas sûr de ce que vous voulez dire) and public opinion; it can change American society.

As McCain said after the election of Obama, I think it is a veritable victory for the black population, besides, many black people voted, more than in previous elections. I hope Obama honours his promises: to improve civil liberties and rights towards African Americans, to reduce racism and to improve their integration into society.

Concerning women, I believe Obama can improve women’s rights to better their situation in American society. In future years, this could allow better equality between men and women. For example, the salary could be the same for a woman and a man who have the same job. Like Obama, I support the right for women to have an abortion, I would rather a child aborted instead of not being loved or accepted by its parents. Moreover, women are capable of making this decision themselves, with or without the input of the father or their family.

Speaking of the war in Iraq, I am in complete agreement with Obama to change the situation their, to stop the war and to remove American troops. If Obama stops the war, I believe his popularity can only increase, as the American population no longer wants this war. Losing a son or daughter cannot be easy for a family; this sacrifice should only be made for the benefit of all.

On Social Security, Obama wants a more successful (and defensive?) system; it is a good thing which will allow the poorest’s lives to improve.

To conclude, nothing has changed yet although many count on Obama to change things in America and throughout the world. I hope that he keeps his promises and acts quickly.

Modifié par Tomski

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lamissjenifer Membre 5 messages
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quite made ideas = les idées toutes faites,enfin c'est ce que je voudrais dire lol ^^

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Tomski Membre 79 messages
Forumeur en herbe‚ 25ans
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Maintenant il y a un problème avec mon français :smile2: Je ne comprends pas les idées toutes faites, c'est les mauvais remarques? =/

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WatchYourSix Membre 195 messages
Forumeur inspiré‚ 53ans
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ready-made ideas :smile2:

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Tomski Membre 79 messages
Forumeur en herbe‚ 25ans
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Ah merci beaucoup :smile2: Un mieux mot est "preconceptions", alors I really think that the election of a black man can change customs, preconceptions and public opinion; it can change American society.

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