Cherche anglophone sur ce forum

[haricot 0]

Bonjour !

Je cherche une personne qui parlerait suffisament bien anglais pour vérifier le texte ci-dessous (mauvaises tournures de phrase, incohérence grammaticale...etc). Il s'agit d'une réponse à une petite annonce dans le cadre d'un devoir. La petite annonce recherche une personne pour travailler dans une maison de retraite.

Voici mon texte (toutes modifications, critiques et améliorations sont les bienvenues.)

Merci de votre aide.

"Dear Mr Goshi,

I am applying for the position of old people's home helper as your classified advertisment.

I am sixteen years old and I am studying in highschool at present. When I'll grow up, I would working in a hospital to keep old people who haven't any family or friends. I thinnk it's very important to have some human contact.

When I have some free time, I go to my grand-parents's home in order to be in charge of them (around fro days a week). I think this experience will help me in working with old people, chating and playing with them. I can helping out with afternoon tea and cleaning work too.

I will be available from the end of June when my school holidays begin. I can meet you whenever you like.

Yours sincerely,

M.B."

[Strenger 0]

Salut, chuis pas anglophone mais je parle bien l'anglais (classe internationale ><)

J'veux bien t'aider mais est-ce que je pourrais avoir la version française ?

EDIT :

"Dear Mr Goshi,

1) I am applying for the position of old people's home helper as your classified advertisment.

I am sixteen years old and I am studying in highschool 2) at present. When I'll grow up, I 3) would working in a hospital to keep old people who haven't any family or friends. I think it's very important to have some human contact.

When I have some free time, I go to my grand-parents's home 7) in order to be in charge of them (around 4) fro days a week). I think this experience will help me in working with old people, chatting and playing with them. 5) I can helping out with afternoon tea and cleaning work too.

6) I will be available from the end of June when my school holidays begin. I can meet you whenever you like.

Yours sincerely,

M.B."

1) J'ai pas compris la phrase ><

2) Tu veux dire quoi par là ? Si tu voulais dire "en ce moment", je pense que tu pourrais l'enlever

3) I would like to work in a hospital

4) Four ?

5) J'ai pas compris ce que tu voulais dire au début de la phrase ><

6) "I will be available at the end of June at the beginning of my school holidays" ça sonne mieux, non ?

J'espère t'avoir pu être utile ><

EDIT 2 :

7) C'est mal dit, mais j'arrive pas à trouver la bonne phrase ><

[haricot 0]

Déjà, merci d'avoir répondu !

Alors la pharse du début (je comprends qu'on ne puisse pas comprendre étant donné que j'ai pioché les mots dans le dico ...)

1) Je réponds à votre petite annonce pour travailler dans une maison de retraite.

2) Oui c'était pour dire en ce moment.

3) X

4) Oui, four, dsl faute de frappe.

5) J'ai moi-même pas compris cette pharse en fait dans l'annonce il ya marqué "include helping out with afternoon tea and some cleaning work" Je ne savais pas comment répondre ^^.

6) oui, ça sonne mieux

7) In order to keep of them ??

.

[magicalbean 0]

Je ne suis pas anglophone, et donc il vaudrait mieux que tu attendes l'avis de quelqu'un de plus expérimenté que moi, mais voilà déjà ce que je modifierais.

"Dear Mr Goshi,

I am applying for the position of old people's home helper as your classified advertisment.

Ca me parait bizarre mais je ne sais pas comment le dire correctement.

I am sixteen years old and I am studying in highschool at present.

I am sixteen years old and I am currently studying in highschool.

When I'll grow up, I would working in a hospital to keep old people who haven't any family or friends.

Je ne dirais pas "when I'll will grow up", ça fait un peu trop enfantin, genre "quand je serais grande..." je dirais plutôt : Later, I would like to work in a hospital, to take care of old people who haven't any family or friends. Mais essaye de voir si cette profession n'a pas un nom plus précis. Ca fera plus sérieux.

I thinnk it's very important to have some human contact.

I think that Human contact is something very important.

When I have some free time, I go to my grand-parents's home in order to be in charge of them (around fro days a week).

During my freet time, I usually go to my grand-parents to take care of them (about four days a week).

I think this experience will help me in working with old people, chating and playing with them. I can helping out with afternoon tea and cleaning work too.

I will be available from the end of June when my school holidays begin. I can meet you whenever you like.

Yours sincerely,

M.B."

7) In order to keep of them ??

Ben si tu veux dire "les garder" c'est "to look after them" ce qui signifie les surveiller, les garder. Et si tu veux dire "prendre soin d'eux", "s'en occuper" alors c'est "to take care of them".

[yop! 5 175]

"Dear Mr Goshi,

I am applying for the position of old people's home helper as your classified advertisment.

Oui, cette phrase me semble trop pompeuse, même si le langage doit être correct.

"I am intersted in your advertisement about the retirement home's helper." (retirement home, je ne suis pas sûr à 100%...mais old people's home, ça ne se dit pas. Tu dirais "maison de vieux" ? )

I am sixteen years old and I am studying in highschool at present. When I'll grow up, I would working in a hospital to keep old people who haven't any family or friends. I thinnk it's very important to have some human contact.

"When I'll grow up" beuuh ! Emploie plutôt "in the future", i'd like to work in a hospital as (nom du métier) and take care of old people etc...

When I have some free time, I go to my grand-parents's home in order to be in charge of them (around fro days a week). I think this experience will help me in working with old people, chating and playing with them. I can helping out with afternoon tea and cleaning work too.

"when I have some free time", ça fait français traduit mot à mot."During my free time" est bien mieux, oui.

Ou "One of my hobby is taking care of my grand parents, four days a week. I am quite at ease chating and playing with old people thanks to this experience. I am used to daily chores like house cleaning, tea preparing and more.

I will be available from the end of June when my school holidays begin. I can meet you whenever you like.

"I'll be available ??" Ca veut dire disponible mais pas dans le sens "libre de travailler" mais plutôt "en rayon" ou "dans les bacs", pour les marchandises. I will be free AT the end of June... (from tout seul indique une origine. Si tu l'emploie pour définir le temps, il est accompgné de TO. De... à...)... ou alors "from the end of July to the end of August."

"I'm at your disposal" marche aussi.

Yours sincerely,

M.B."

Voilà... Ce ne sera pas la lettre ultime (je ne suis pas tout à fait bilingue) mais j'ai vécu à Londres donc, je sais reconnaître l'anglais scolaire immédiatement.

[tuotuo 0]

Bonjour !

Je cherche une personne qui parlerait suffisament bien anglais pour vérifier le texte ci-dessous (mauvaises tournures de phrase, incohérence grammaticale...etc). Il s'agit d'une réponse à une petite annonce dans le cadre d'un devoir. La petite annonce recherche une personne pour travailler dans une maison de retraite.

Voici mon texte (toutes modifications, critiques et améliorations sont les bienvenues.)

Merci de votre aide.

"Dear Mr Goshi,

I am applying for the position of old people's home helper as your classified advertisment.

I am sixteen years old and I am studying in highschool at present. When I'll grow up, I would working in a hospital to keep old people who haven't any family or friends. I thinnk it's very important to have some human contact.

When I have some free time, I go to my grand-parents's home in order to be in charge of them (around fro days a week). I think this experience will help me in working with old people, chating and playing with them. I can helping out with afternoon tea and cleaning work too.

I will be available from the end of June when my school holidays begin. I can meet you whenever you like.

Yours sincerely,

M.B."

Ma version:

Dear Mr Goshi,

Your advertisement regarding the position of Nurse Senior Specialist got all my attention, so I decided to apply to it.

I am a highschool student of sixteen years old but my ambition is to work into a retirement housing business, where I will give healthcare and devotion to the occupants.

On my spare time, I like to visit my grand-parents and take care of them. I enjoy to chat, play some games or prepare some meals for them. I also like to help them on cleaning tasks or do some shopping.

I will be available on school holidays starting end of June, so don't hesitate to contact me in order to arrange an interview.

Yours sincerely,

M.B."

Pour le : Nurse Senior Specialist cela depend vraiment du job car il existe différents titres et les variations sont multiples. Sans compter les différences UK/US/AU sur les noms des jobs.